Salty tears on the soft earth you made sacred
My fairwell letter to Nick
The following letter began to unfold as a series of questions that I scribbled in my Moleskine notebook during the long flight from Boston to LA only a few hours after Joan (Nick’s mother) called to tell me of Nick’s fatal motorcycle accident. Later I discussed those questions and my experiences I had on the flight with Nick’s brother and friends Eli, Everett, Katrina, Juan, and Steven(?.) It was healing to spend time with them and hear how much they loved him. We shared silence, stories, tears, prayers and smiles as we took some time to comfort and be comforted. We planted miniature roses in the sandy soil on the very spot where Nick left his body and this world so unexpectedly.
Ortega Highway
Why do I cry?…
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Roses for Nick
Fairwell Letter to Nick
Read at the Memorial Service - May 10, 2008
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, Laguna Beach, CA
Dear Nick,
I’m not sure if you were listening, so here it is again. On the flight from Boston I asked in my thoughts.
* Where were you
Before you were born?
Where are you now?
Were you just passing through this life?
Are we all just passing through?
* Why do I cry?
Do I cry for me?
Or, do I cry for you?
* Are you waiting for me to say goodbye?
If you are waiting my, flight will land soon.
If you’ve left already I understand. I’m sure you’ll find your way.
In my silence, as these questions and thoughts blended into feelings and the drone of the jet engines I wondered:
Was that bright light on my closed eyes a light from you?
And did I truly sense your expansive and comforting glow letting me know that everything is alright?
And was that solid comfort that I felt in my heart the same solid comfort of the famous Nick bear hug?
* And, if it’s true, do I cry for you?
No I cry for me.
And shed salty tears on the soft earth you made sacred when you left.
* And today I pray:
May the power that guided you into this life,
through this life, and ultimately saving you
from future sufferings of your life,
Now guide you on a trip worth living and dying for.
See you later? You tell me.
Love always,
Dad
P.S. I’m going to miss you big time! I’m so honored and blessed to have been your Dad.